lethal weapon...

this draft was originally written on 7/09/08 and is an attempt to share my story...


the year was 1995 and it was a typical hot summer day in Phoenix. she was engaged to be married to a man who owned a hand gun. he grew up learning gun safety and enjoyed target practicing with his grandpa. she never held a real gun and was terrified of shooting one. they decided that she should learn to shoot and feel more comfortable with the gun being in their home. on this hot afternoon, they entered a popular indoor shooting range. they put on the safety gear and then the ear plugs. he shot a few rounds, she watched and anxiously waited for her turn. standing closely behind her with his arms surrounding her, he showed her how to place her hands onto the clammy weapon. eye on the target, she shot a bullet and her body was thrust back into his arms. he hurriedly pulled her down to the cold floor and hovered over her body. she felt protected but terrified at not knowing what was to come. standing behind her, he had witnessed the unthinkable and wanted to protect her eyes from what he had seen. after a few minutes of what seemed an eternity, he took her hand and hurriedly lead her through the bloody pools, over the body and out of the locked down room. he was some one's husband, a father, an overworked lawyer. he was dead...by his own hand. they were forever changed and the gun was sold before their wedding day.



fast forward thirteen years....it is the summer of 2008. same man. same woman. different gun.


we are preparing for a five day camping trip deep in the forest when he came to me and said he wanted to talk about buying a hand gun for protection. he reassured me that he researched the new child safety locks and, knowing how i feel about this issue, asked me to give the o.k. to purchase the weapon. i couldn't talk about it and asked for some time. i kept avoiding the issue day after day. our boys, nine and seven, have bb guns, bows n arrows, and a 17 caliber rifle. we have a gun safe, and the boys are being taught gun safety by their dad who learned everything he knows from his grandfather. all this said, i still feel the fear, i still dread the horrific sound, i am forever changed.